Finding hope after losing a child

Losing a child is a nightmare that some parents will live out. It’s been 2 years since the loss of my son Ethan. The grieving process is overwhelming. I am left with memories of holding him and kissing him, and the reminder that I can no longer do these things is like torture. The heaviness of my heart is difficult to live, with every visit to the cemetery being just as difficult as the last. God gives me strength and has healed my broken heart. He has held my hand through the trials. I have felt his comfort through his word and followers.

Unexpectedly, our father in heaven blessed us with a new baby boy named Josiah. He gave us the gift of life, hope and new desires for the future. I was delighted when the pregnancy was confirmed but I was terrified that Josiah would suffer from the same disease as Ethan. We had received news from the medical staff that our chance of having an EB child were likely 1 in 4. A 25% chance of our baby being stricken with illness, they were just waiting on test results to confirm their hypotheses. I took the desires of my heart to church that following Sunday. I stood at the front of the altar and lost my self in prayer. My Jesus, the prince of peace, told me “Not to worry, to trust in him, everything was going to be okay.” A few weeks after, Josiah’s pregnancy CVS results came back negative. He was not to suffer from EB. Not only that, but our genetic results came back with only a 1% chance of one of our future babies being born with EB. I was a carrier, but my husband was not. Ethan got this horrible disease due to a spontaneous mutation.

There isn’t a day I don’t think of Ethan. I will always carry him in my heart. I’m grateful for heaven. For hope of seeing our love ones again. If you are grieving I want to let you know, it’s okay to cry. Crying releases grief and with time you will see better days. New seasons will begin in your life and your struggles will prove to be for a reason.

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.

God loves you and he is right there by your side. God can heal your heart. We must trust in him. Give him our hurt. No matter how difficult a situation we are going through we must remember that God is good, and we must praise him! Praise him through the good and the bad. Don’t give up on God because he won’t give up on you. When we are hurting. He knows exactly how we feel. We all have a pupose in life, that God made us and formed us to fulfill. There is nothing greater than to discover what you were made to do.

6 thoughts on “Finding hope after losing a child

  1. As a new mother, I can’t imagine such a great pain of losing a child. My greatest fear. I dont think there are words to erase that kind of pain. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks when I think of your beautiful baby boy but my heart is glad that you will see him again. Thank you for sharing with us your experiences because we realize that we need to be thankful for the little things in life and to hold our loved ones a little tighter. Your words also encourage anyone going though this type of grief. Thank you for your courage. Happy Mothers Day.

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  2. Every time I read anything you write, I’m in amazement of how wise and mature you are. God created you so beautiful inside and outside, and even though I’ve never lost a born child, your faith is so very inspiring. Your strength and faith has motivated me many times, and you have always reminded me of you has carried you through, Jesus Christ. I recall following your postings to hear of any progress for Ethan. I never had a moment that didn’t cause me to feel deep compassion and love for Ethan, as I usually read about him while breastfeeding my own. Sometimes the tears wouldn’t stop and my heart would feel lost in the pit of my stomach for days thinking about him. But… God always had me see a peace within him. A peace that surpasses our understanding and past the pain we saw he experienced. Ethan for sure was very special and God chose you to be his mother so that you would have a story/voice to reach out to others and glorify Him above all things. Gosh, you are so obedient. Thank you for being transparent and directing all of us back to the one who has comforted you. Thank you!! Thank you my sister in the Lord. 🙏🏽

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  3. Prayers and gratitude for finding peace in deep sorrow for in our eternity we will be together with all those now asleep awaiting return for our Bridegroom, Come quickly Savior Come!

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